Saturday, April 27, 2013

Be Still and Know.....

I suck at the waiting. I want a plan, a next step. I want to know if I am having babies or not. Are we going to adopt? What are we doing?   I jumped the gun, started contacting adoption agencies and embryo adoption places. I became very stressed and scared.As we started to pray, God spoke to me and my heart in so many ways. The bible study I am completing, the things my mentor says to me, the messages at our church. So, apparently we are to "Be still and know the I am God." Psalm 46:10.

We have been very disheartened. My sister is expecting. That is a difficult situation for so many reasons. She is having a boy, the thing I have always wished for. It was a huge blow to my husband and I. So I began thinking of adoption. The problem is that I didn't wait for God to say yes. He has had to teach me this slowly. There was a deep bitterness and anger creeping up. I am finally feeling like seeking him again. This road if infertility is so long and so hard! Prayers are appreciated, I will be praying for all of us walking this path.

I also hope to be posting more here. I will be seeing a doctor Monday about a referral to a reproductive Endocrinologist. It is a scary thought, but time to take that step.