Waiting Again!

     So, I didn't decide to miss the boat and stay in Belize for a year. I came home. I came home to a less crazy time than I thought I would. My sister did not announce a pregnancy. I had a couple of days to settle in. I kept the hope alive for a while. When the spotting began, I convinced myself that it was implantation bleeding. It was day 28, which was early for me as I normally don't start until day 31. It became clear with in a few hours that I was not pregnant. Now here we are again. We have one more "scheduled night" and then begins the two week wait. I don't know if this cycle will be successful. I have had a few very hopeful feelings, have spent some time looking up diapers, high chairs, and cribs. I have very hopefully gone to a baby boutique with my friend. I am very hopeful for this cycle. I am also afraid of the disappointment if this is unsuccessful.The last few months I have tried very hard to protect my feelings. Maybe I won't have to go through the pain, through the disappointment, through telling my husband that once again my body has failed.
     Yet, I know that even if I do have to go through the above listed things, my husband and I will come through. As the Bible says, who knows if we are here for such time as this. We are being prepared for something, some work, some plan, in which the Lord can work. So as we pray for our child, we pray that our hearts also submit to God's will, not our own. We pray that our hearts can be molded and pliable to God's will. We pray that we can help someone else walking this path.
   So my plan through out my two week wait this time, I will go shopping with my sister, I will eat lunch with my friend, I will swim in my pool, and I will exercise and eat right and take my vitamins. I will stay busy and positive. I will thank the Lord for my many blessings and I will pray that if this is the right time in our lives, I will be pregnant.

                                       -her-